American English and Old Beijing

The American accent is high in demand in China, where it's considered "standard" English.  In China, there is "Standard Mandarin"-- a pure, unaccented version of good ol' putonghua, the language Chairman Mao enforced to become the language of the nation, simply because it was what was spoken in the capital.  I keep reminding my students that there's really no such thing as "Standard English," but years of watching Friends and Prison Break has given many Chinese the impression that if one wants to speak English, they should speak it as Monica and Rachel do when they're bickering in their fabulous Manhattan flat.

Being from California-- where most American TV shows and films are from-- and having a Western American accent has blessed me in the TESL department, since I was born with the "standard" accent.  So it was only natural that my friend and colleague, Zhang Kun, asked me to co-teach a Pronunciation Class with him.

My buddy Zhang Kun and me

Teaching Pronunciation is a really tricky thing.  Imagine trying to tell someone how exactly to manipulate their mouth to make them pronounce "usually," when what keeps coming out is "urally," or to say "think" instead of "sink."  Or explaining why your sentences drift up and sink down at certain parts.  It ain't easy.  Fortunately, Zhang Kun had undergone the long arduous task of trying to perfect the American English accent, though what comes out now is more of a charming marriage of British and Chinese English.

After a few hard weeks of class, Kun offered to give Jason and me a proper introduction to Old Beijing snacks, since we still didn't really know exactly what Beijing cuisine was.  He took us to a place that is just about as old school as you can get.  You first go to a ticket window, where you buy 50 RMB worth of paper tickets.  Then, you go from window to window, exchanging tickets for snacks.

Snack offerings and illustrated menus

Beijing snacks are-- at best-- interesting.  It's mostly marked by fatty meats, sesame flavoring, and a lot of heavy, oil-laden fried things.  Neither Jason nor I were big fans, but we were grateful for the experience.

No, this is not a bowl brimming with sewage!  It's sesame soup!  It's basically made of a thick, starchy paste topped with sesame paste mixed with oil.  I wasn't nuts about it, but I managed to put down a few spoonfuls before feeling completely full from all the oil and starch sitting like a rock in my stomach.  But there was plenty more to consume, of course...

 It's not an authentic Chinese meal until you eat some unusual animal part.  This is a plate of flash-boiled tripe.  Despite the aforementioned piping-hot bowl of thick, oily sesame soup waiting for me, the tripe comes with a bowl of sesame paste sauce meant for dipping.  I actually quite like tripe, but this wasn't my favorite incarnation of it.

These little sandwiches were what I had my hope for a good meal riding on.  Sadly, they didn't deliver.  I've had some excellent versions of the sandwich (called bing in Mandarin), where the meat is juicy, flavorful, and dripping with yummy fats that are soaked in by the sesame seeded bun.  What we found were two sad, cold, dry sandwiches lacking in any flavor except salt.

After our meal (on which Jason later commented that he'd never eaten at a meal where he didn't like a single thing on the menu), we three decided to take advantage of the rare beautiful Spring weather and take a walk through Beijing's historic area.  We passed the back end of the Forbidden City, and Zhang Kun took us to one of the oldest standing Catholic cathedrals in Beijing.

While we weren't thrilled about the grub, it was a good day.  

Frat Stanrey

Okay, okay, I know.  As an English teacher in China, it's totally unprofessional and insensitive of me to take such a cheap shot at the ever-elusive Asian accent.  Sometimes, though, I do think that speaking English is overrated when actually understanding and interpreting accents is the true challenge in championing the English language.  I mean, what would you think if your student said the following to you?

"In zer countryside, some time you weel find some unhygienic sh*ts on the bed.  In a hotaire.  You know hotaire?  They don't often cling the sh*ts.  So, you must pay much monays to go to a nicer one to slip on the cling sh*ts."

True story, folks.  Translation:  "In the countryside, sometimes you will find the sheets on the beds in hotels are not clean, as the sheets are often left unwashed between stays.  So it's worth it to pay a bit more to stay in a higher-end hotel where you can sleep on clean sheets."

But that's totally not the point of this blog post.  As stated in the title, I wanted to tell you about Flat Stanley (whose Chinese name is Frat Stanrey), who was sent via envelope from my cousin's home in Pleasanton, CA to spend some time with me in Beijing.

In case you haven't figured it out by reading this blog, my life is actually quite boring.  Work, home, work, home.  Sometimes I'll bake something.  That didn't stop Flat Stanley from seeing the sights, though!  (Like the little Chinese track suit I gave him?  His hat says "Bei Yu Xiao Xue," for BLCU Primary School.  Represent!)  Here are Flat Stanley's Greatest Hits from his trip to China.

BeiHai Park, Beijing

Forbidden City, Beijing

Map of Beijing at a bus stop

Bus schedule

Flat Stanley got to "visit" two places that I still have yet to travel to!  The grasslands of Mongolia and Jiuzhaigou Valley in Sichuan Province!*

Ride 'em, Mongolian cowboy!

Jiuzhaigou's natural terraced mineral lakes

What's a trip to China without a little Chingrish?

Of course, Stanley had his fill of traditional Chinese dishes, plus some Cantonese icy desserts!  Yum!

All in all, it was an eventful trip for Stanley.  Now it's back into the envelope from whence he came.  Bon voyage, Flat Stanley!  Send my love to my cousins back home!  And try your best to steer clear of the unhygienic sh*ts!

  

*All right, so he didn't actually go there.  But c'mon.  We're talking about a paper doll, here, people!

Mid-Term Blues

Sometimes, teaching English is a great, engaging, and fun job.  Easy?  No.  Never.  Especially on days like today, when your students are zombies sitting in chairs, looking at you hoping that you'll pull a bunny rabbit out of a hat while bouncing upside-down on your head and teaching them the key to perfect American English pronunciation.

And yes, nearly all teachers can recall at least one day each semester where they nearly lose it with one of these classes.  Usually, it's nothing a stiff drink or a lot of prayer can't solve, but it's also usually the sign that it's the mid-term and it's time to take a vacation.

When these signs aren't apparent, an email from a student like this one might be the last glaring signal that you need a break.

Hi, Grace

I am very sorry for making you so depressed and let you almost lost your temper this afternoon. I consider I owe you an apology for my inactivity in your class. 

I think that the awkward silent air in class can definitely make any oral English teacher mad at her students. Please calm down!, we are still your students. For myself, I wish I could speak English fluently. I wish I had ever had a good English teacher like you teaching me when I started learning English. And I wish I had been more active today.

So, please forgive us for our inactivity in your class this afternoon.

Michael

Boy, Michael.  I knew I was a peeved at you, but I didn't realize that you were making me depressed!  I especially like the pleading tone when he tells me to, "Please come down!" followed by a badly misplaced comma.  It really is time for a vacation!

Embracing my inner (Julia) Child

Like many other girls with a penchant for baking and blogging, I was inspired by the movie Julie and Julia to get back into the kitchen (not in the metaphorical sense, though) and re-tie those apron strings (again, I mean that literally).

I've always loved cooking, entertaining, and experimenting with ingredients in the kitchen.  I haven't always loved teaching, but I did have a goal this semester to teach at least one cooking class to my students.  I fully expected to channel Julia Child in my cooking-- not the spy in China aspect (though I do feel like one, sometimes), nor the strange tenor-falsetto she rambunctiously encouraged her viewers with to seize a freshly buttered raw chicken with vigor.  I meant more of those moments where she flopped things out of pans live on the air and simply wiped her hands on her apron and said, "Well, it's no problem because we have a perfect one in the oven!"

I held my first cooking class in April.  We made my favorite recipe for banana muffins/bread and chocolate chip cookies.  The banana muffins were a huge hit, and a few of my students went out and bought ovens, muffin cups, and most of them are now proud owners of rubber spatulas after I convinced them it's the single most useful tool you'll have in your kitchen. 

Most Chinese students have never seen measuring cups or chocolate chips before.  Seeing all these baking goods was like going into the Museum of American Cuisine in the "Why We're All Fat" wing.

Like a good, responsible teacher who overdoes it and makes fun things completely un-fun, I created a Baking handout filled with useful vocabulary, tips, and even a few idioms.

Aren't they cute?  They look so happy making cookies here, especially compared to this picture...

...where they are basically sleeping with their eyes open.  I think I'm introducing measuring spoons here and they are responding with the ever-dreaded student glaze.  I guess I should stick to my day job and let Julia do the real entertaining.

A few of them came back with stories of their first baking successes and eagerly asked when the second class would be.  Call me a pushover... but I couldn't say no to their puppy dog eyes.  Class two was on baking apple pie all completely from scratch.  They learned how to make the crust, apple sauce, and put it all together to make it look perfect.  Like this:

Ooooh, SNAP!  Look at them apples!  The sauce, bubbling from underneath a blanket of perfectly layered apple slices, all topped with a golden brown crust!  Not bad for first-timers, hm?

 The lattice could use some work, but for a bunch of Chinese students who didn't even know what apple sauce was, I had to give them props for their first-time glory.

Well, since I was on a baking kick and I wanted to get the most out of my tart tin (as pictured above) and had a bunch of whipping cream, I decided to experiment and make a peach-custard tart. 

The picture didn't come out so well, but it was quite tasty and super easy, too!

Today, my students asked again about when our next cooking class would be.  I love cooking, but I'm quickly running out of ideas.  Any suggestions from my faithful (and few) readers would be gladly welcomed!

Next up: lemon meringue, chocolate cream, and about 500 dates with Jillian Michaels and Billy Blanks.

Reinforcing Complacency

As I write this, I am also writing my midterm project for my Advanced Speaking class.  The project is to create a group presentation based on different topics given to them.  As I go over each of the topics, I find myself deleting and then re-typing anything that I anticipate would wedge my students into the corner of complacency.

I've often given my students topics to discuss that force them to think about their own sense of political efficacy.  Things like the sickening amount of electronic waste (or other waste, for that matter) that pollutes the poor rural areas of their own country and the corrupt officials who pocket the money meant to assist in alleviating these problems.  Or the fact that many more Chinese citizens are waking up to the fact that a press controlled by a higher power is no press at all.  Or that their boastful monuments to Cartier, Louis Vuitton, and increasing joint ventures of Audi in the city centers are quickly warping the humble simplicity found in Chinese tradition and history into a massive consumerist society obsessed with the quickest way to make money-- the very same bourgeois lifestyle that could've landed you in prison not so long ago.  And don't even get me started on the fact I need a VPN to keep up this blog... most likely visited primarily by my parents.

In most cases, my students explain to me-- sometimes with defiance, other times with a crippling helplessness-- that my discussion topics are often "too political."  There's nothing, they explain to me, that they can do, or that the common person can do, to change the situation I lay before them in simple chalk and instruction to discuss how to address the problem using the present perfect or in conditional sentences.  Perhaps they are right-- maybe mixing grammar with politics in China is not a good idea.

But my idealistic mind likes to believe that I am not just an English-speaking parrot spitting out grammar rules and vocabulary without making my students think.  Sure, that is what China would like for me to be.  Unfortunately for them, it's something I simply won't do.

"And therein lies the rub."  At what point do I simply give them a break and let them live in their continued existence of bending to a certain rule for the "harmonization" of a country they love?  When do I throw in the towel and just hope that they have retained some ability to think on their own?  When is it time to just be an English teacher?  When will I realize that striking the delicate balance between taking advantage of teachable moments and knowing when it's time to shake the dust is an art that very few have perfected?

I'm still not done with my midterms, and I fully expect to hear a chorus of moans and groans when I pass it out to my students tomorrow.  Little will they know that inside, I am moaning and groaning right along with them.  For different reasons, though, of course.

Stories by Brian: How to...

The assignment was to explain how to do something.  I'm teaching the kids about outlining a paper and writing transition words to denote order.  At first, they started writing things that they can do easily, so I told them to use their imaginations.  It's like watching a lightbulb switch on inside of their eyes when I say the magic word "imagination."  I guess they don't get many opportunities to exercise that part of their brain school, so getting to waste a few hours a week with their kooky English teacher is actually fun for them!  Here goes:

How to make the yuckiest food

Today, I am going to make the yuckiest food in the whole wide world.

First, I will find the ingredients.  The first ingredient is big caterpillars & lizards from amazon.  Then, I'll find rats, toads, newts, and mud in the slum.

After that, I'll kill them: caterpillars into jam, kill the lizards and let them go into stink meat.  Drag off the toad's legs, newt's bodys, kill the rats.  I will put the toad legs, newt bodys and rat meats into the mud.

At last, I will cook them.  I will fry the rat meats, toad legs and newt bodys with mud, and put the stinkmeat and caterpillar jam on it.

Do you want to try?

Gotta love that little bit of Chinglish at the end!

English Corners Gone Wrong

Today, I hosted my first English Corner of the semester.  English Corners are when your students come to practice their English with you in a smaller, casual setting, and usually involves snacks and some sort of conversation-inducing activity.

I scheduled our Corner for 6:30 and ordered three large pizzas that put me out a heft fraction of my humble monthly salary.  I enlisted my wonderful friend and educator extraordinaire, Frieda, to take on one of the small groups, since Chinese students get so excited at the prospect of talking with a "Native Speaker" who isn't already their teacher.  I rearranged my furniture.  Jason generously helped me to clean my place up, go grocery shopping, and carry all the heavy stuff on our way back.

6:50 rolls around.  Frieda and I are sitting on my couch waiting.  Pizza is getting cold.  I'm getting hungry and therefore cranky.  No one shows.

I could have gotten upset.  I could have complained about how my students-- all in their mid-to-late twenties-- are incompetent and incapable of doing anything without their overbearing mothers.  I could have... easily.  I almost did.

Instead, I had a lovely evening with my wonderfully wise friend.  I now have a week's worth of food  which I can feed other hungry mouths with.  I have a clean house and no dishes to do.  I went grocery shopping, which I would have put off until I realized I was out of toilet paper (and we all hate that).  I got to experience a glimpse of lifelong partnership with a generous man who will become my husband. 

Not all flukes are failures.

A Busy Day

A lot of folks back home often ask me what a normal day is like.  The trouble with this is that when something is normal, you often forget what exactly happens.  I took one day to document almost everything I did.  Take note that this particular day was a bit busier than my normal days... but still fairly boring.  Enjoy!

7:35AM- Roll out of bed

I have been setting my cell phone clock five minutes ahead to help rush me a bit.  Sometimes it works.  Usually, it just tells me I have five extra minutes to procrastinate.

WARNING:  Next picture may completely change your opinion of me.  Yes, folks, this is me in my raw form.  This beacon of shining beauty is what Jason will have the pleasure of waking up to every morning for the rest of his life.  It's painful to take in... but there it is for all of you to see.

In no time at all and with minimal effort, I'm ready to face the world!

Well, almost ready.   

 

8:15AM- Off to class!  Coffee and class activities in hand, I rush off on my five-minute trek to class.  Here's a quick shot of the teacher's lounge.  Growing up, I was always curious about the teacher's lounge.  It always seemed the teachers were so anxious to get in and shut the door behind them, like it was the gate into a teacher's version of Narnia filled with red marking pens and teacher's dirty looks competitions.  Turns out it's pretty anti-climactic.  But we do have a flat-screen TV.

8:30-12:30- Class time!  Today's activity was to take a personality quiz and discuss the results.  It was pretty interesting to hear what my more "mature" students had to say about their findings.

  

12:45- WOOHOO LUNCH!  My favorite part of the day is eatin' time!  This day, I went to one of my favorite spots near my house, The Bridge Cafe.  It's a little escape from crazy Beijing life and they have amazing coffee with free re-fills.  I went with a panini and side salad and coffee.  Total cost?  A spendy 50 RMB... but that still works out to about $7 USD.  Steep, yes.  Worth it?  On a day like today, definitely.

 

2:30 PM- After running a few errands, it's back home for a quick break before my next class at 4PM.  At first, I thought about doing my dishes...

... but decided to check my email and have a chocolate instead.

 

Read the local paper and get frustrated at the government-operated press.

4 PM- Off to class, then back at 6 PM.  Put in an hour of yoga via my laptop.

 

7:30- DINNER TIME!  (Notice how excited I get for meals?)  Samara comes over for Hot Pot (huo guo) which is basically a hot, flavored broth that you throw random things into and then go fishing for once they've cooked.  We had quite the spread, including some leftover lamb and beef slices, tofu, bok choy, spinach, and sweet potato.

 

9:15 PM- The story of my life.  After a lovely meal and conversation, I finally get around to the pile of dishes I'd been putting off, which has now doubled in size.

10:20 PM- Dishes, kitchen floor, countertops, stove, and eating area CLEANED and DONE with the help of Earth, Wind, and Fire (the band, not the Planeteers).  Think about doing laundry...

Learn from past mistakes and put a load into the machine.  Break time with some pirated TV on Youku and another chocolate (heehee).  Bonus points to whomever can recognize the opening credits.

11 PM- Bake some banana bread.  I love my friends.  They love my banana bread.  I dislike brown bananas.  Banana bread loves brown bananas.  It's an even exchange.

12 AM- Laundry machine goes crazy after second load.  At first, it wouldn't stop washing.  Then, it wouldn't stop spin-drying.  It's going to be a long night.  I take a shower because THIS is what I look like by the end of it all.

2 AM- BED TIME.  FINALLY.  But first, hang up laundry to dry!  Since the winters in Beijing are so incredibly dry, it's recommended that you hang your laundry inside your bedroom so that you can breathe in some of the moisture from your wet clothes as they dry.  Also, putting them outside on the balcony (yang tai) can sometimes be too cold which could possibly lead to frozen clothing!

Crazy busy day.  Four hours of class tomorrow at 8:30.  Wash.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Snore.